Advance copy of Tiger Woods Statement at the Accenture Match Play

February 18, 2010

First, it’s good to see my boy Tiger Woods out and about, trying to get back into shape.

Got to get in shape if I am going to go back to dominating these fools!

We here at Too Old were fortunate to get an advance copy of the statement that Tiger Woods will make tomorrow at the Accenture Match Play. Ernie Els has spoken out about the timing of the statement.

The timing of Tiger Woods‘ first appearance since his car accident and subsequent admission of marital infidelity — on Friday in Florida, while the WGC-Accenture Match Play Championship is in full swing in Arizona — does not impress one of the game’s best-known players.

“It’s selfish,” former U.S. Open and British Open champion Ernie Els told Golfweek magazine. “You can write that. I feel sorry for the sponsor. Mondays are a good day to make statements, not Friday. This takes a lot away from the golf tournament.”

Woods will speak publicly at 11 a.m. ET Friday for the first time since his bizarre Thanksgiving night car accident, beginning what his agent called “the process of making amends” for the sex scandal that sent him into hiding for three months. Since the accident, Woods’ only statements have come via his Web site.

Ernie, no one cares.  ESPN says that you are one of the most well known, but you depend on Tiger being on tour to your economic well being.  Your last major was the Open in 2002.  Do you know why that is?  Because Tiger has been balling on your ass, that is why.  Your nickname is the Big Easy, but you have a lot in common with New Orleans, in the sense that you (in particular) your game has been wrecked. At least they are rebuilding NO, but you can’t get your own game in order.

I know why you are bitter and want to hate on Tiger. He is better than you and he is everything that you wish you were.  That must be tough.  How did I come to this conclusion?  Easy.  I went to his wiki page…

Els has often been compared to Greg Norman in the sense that both men’s careers could be looked back on and think what could have been. Although the two of them are multiple major championship winners they have both shared disappointment in majors. Their disappointments have ranged from nerves, bad luck and simply being outplayed. 1996 was the year where Norman collapsed in the Masters and Els in the PGA Championship. Els has finished runner-up in six majors and most notably for his runner-up finishes to Tiger Woods. Els has finished runner-up to Woods more than any other golfer and has often been described as having the right game to finally be the golfer to beat Woods in a major.

Here you are in 04 when you choked another major to Tiger...

Some of you might say, “Give him a break.  Winning majors are hard.”  I would agree, but have some wins to your name.  All said and told, Ernie has 16 PGA wins, with the last coming in 2008 at the Honda Classic, and before that win, he had not won since 2004.  So, maybe spend a little more time worrying about the state of your sorry ass golf game and less about Tiger’s personal problems.  He is selfish because he ain’t helping you step your broke ass game up.  I don’t want to hear from you until you win again.

But, for Ernie, it gets worse.  Accenture, the first company to drop Tiger after the personal issues came out, made a statement in support of Tiger and the statement.

MARANA, Ariz. — One day after the timing of Tiger Woods’ Friday morning statement was referred to as “selfish” by fellow pro Ernie Els — prompting speculation that it was a vindictive move against a former sponsor — an Accenture spokesperson refuted that notion.

“We got a call from Tiger’s agent [Mark Steinberg] prior to the announcement yesterday, so we had a heads up that they were going to make the announcement and they told us they were timing it for Friday — for whatever reason, it was important to go out this week,” Fred Hawrysh, director of corporate communications for Accenture, said. “But they were timing it at 11 a.m. ET and we don’t tee off here until noon local time. They told us they deliberately timed this so it would not overlap with anything that was happening here.

“That story will happen, it will get covered and then we’ll move on to the Match Play, but they deliberately tried not to overlap with what we are doing.”

After a six-year sponsorship contract with Woods, Accenture became the first company to cut ties with the pitchman in December. Even so, Hawrysh maintained that it may actually be beneficial to have Woods release his statement this week.

What do you have to say about that Ernie?  Hopefully nothing….

But back to the pre-release of the statement.  It will say the following…at least in the eyes of Too Old…

Tiger: I want to thank you all for coming.  As you know, this has been a very trying time for my family and myself. All the harm has been self inflicted by my actions.  They were reckless and thoughtless, and for that, I would like to apologize to my family.  To my sponsors, I want to thank them for staying with me through a troubling time.  I have used my time off to better myself spiritually and refocused my priorities to my family.

In placing my family first, I am going to get back to the business of balling on fools like Ernie Els, who felt the need to publicly talk about me and my timing.  Golf puts food on the plate of my children and family, so it is best that I get back on the course.  In putting family first, I will be traveling more with my family, in hopes that they will keep me grounded to the things that are most important.

I have been taking names and I am going to go about delivering the appropriate response to all the comments that I have seen spoken about me and my family.  Announcers, those who felt the need to judge, consider yourself banned. My family and I will no longer be talking to you or your publications.  I would like to thank Tim Finchem and the PGA Tour for respecting my privacy the best way that they could.  I would like to repay them by playing some of my best golf possible.

I am not perfect, nor do I set myself up to be.  I made a mistake and I am paying the consequences for my actions.  Reuniting with my family is not assured, so I am going to respect their privacy and mine by not taking any questions.

That is how you go out and get it done. You owe the public nothing else. Do not apologize for anything. The only people you owe anything to is your family, the sponsors that write the big check and maybe your neighbors.

2 Responses to “Advance copy of Tiger Woods Statement at the Accenture Match Play”

  1. tophatal said


    To paraphrase Dr King ………’ the pu_sy was sweet ! The pus_y was sweet ! My God that the pus_ies were so sweet ! Free at last , free last ‘ !

    Woods won’t have anything of relevance to say. Were that the case he’d have done so a long time ago . He’s nothing more than you typical a_shole routinely not wanting to be held accountable for his own actions.

    Alan Parkins

  2. Robert Feeley said

    A lot of folks missed this spectacular, yet fatuous story about Tiger:

    Have a great day! 🙂

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