America, Tiger Woods is like your friend who is a stiff, but is still your friend. Please forgive him like your would your buddy

December 14, 2009

Hands and knees is a start....Kobe style might be a huge ring.

This weekend was a long weekend for me.  Obligations kept me busy the whole weekend, from a basketball game, to a debate tournament.  The crew was at the tournament and as he does, Ronin was chatting up the ladies.  Our buddy, Wes, who is a mess, salted Ronin’s game.  When I sat down and broke it to Wes about what he did, I began to realize it wasn’t his fault.  Wes was just a horrible wingman, thus counting on him for wingman game would not be wise.

Wes, here is some info to bone up on...

Wes, learn the creed, follow the creed

I can’t be mad at someone for not doing something that I should know that they are bad at.  If you know you have a shoot first point guard, why get upset if he isn’t passing as much as you would like?

This is what America fails to realize about Tiger Woods.  We can’t be mad AT Tiger, because Tiger is a stiff.  You can condemn his actions, but it’s bigger than him.  To fully understand, what is going on, a definition is in order.

stiff (plural stiffs)

  1. An average person, usually male, of no particular distinction, skill, or education, often a working stiff or lucky stiff.
    A Working Stiff’s Manifesto: A Memoir of Thirty Jobs I Quit, Nine That Fired Me, and Three I Can’t Remember was published in 2003.
  2. A person who is deceived, as a mark or pigeon in a swindle.
    She convinced the stiff to go to her hotel room, where her henchman was waiting to rob him.
  3. (slang) A cadaver, a dead person.
  4. (US) A person who leaves (especially a restaurant) without paying the bill.

In understanding women, Tiger meets definition one and two.  When Tiger was working on his game growing up, he never got a chance to work out the kinks in his mating/macking/sexual game.  The reason why is is great at golf is that he had to ignore other urges and needs.  His sexual game is simple, rote. This is not to say that Tiger never got laid, but never got to enjoy the rockstar experience.  It is not his fault that he has been handled most of his life.  His handlers did a great job (that would include his parents, who by definition are handlers, but this refers to outside that family tree handling) almost too great in crafting the image.  People love to tear other people down, but one thing that is great about the human spirit is that we allow people to make mistakes.  Marion Barry did this and STILL got re-elected to public office.

Yes, this is the Mayor of Washington D.C. smoking crack...

He didn’t have this movie to guide him (How to Be a Player) The mistakes that he made in the whole scenario was very reminiscent of High School game. The silly voice mails are the first clue about his underdeveloped game.

Dre, if he only had you as a wingman, all would be good

The fact that he was texted is just a modern day note writing that any guy would not get caught up in, since that is the smoking gun.  (Guys and gals, remember, that text messages do not disappear in the great beyond.  They are easily accessible.  At least if you are cheating, cover your tracks.  Get rid of text messages and don’t send anything in them, since they can be read and saved by the other side. One rookie manuever is that people forget to clear the sent emails in their side, they only remember to get rid of the ones that they receive.)

But, there is a ray of light during this moment of darkness.  There is a manual for  getting through this and continuing to make the money.  Going on Oprah to win back the women.  A lot of guys were never mad at you in the first place.  they may have questioned you cheating on your smoking hot wife, but they were not mad, in the classic sense.  In fact, some men immediately put themselves in your situation and re-created your mistakes, in order to play out the scenario and figure out how not to make the mistakes you made.

She is that powerful...do not cross her...

But, going on Oprah is the key to winning back women who hate you right now.  The Mayo Clinic defines forgiveness.

What is forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

The demographics of the Oprah show are the groups you need to win back. You need to find a way that they can forgive you, without minimizing the act.  We all make terrible life decisions. The black women vote is key.  Right now, you are polling low with them because of the affair (some of them are not mad at you for this.  They are the ones making excuses for you like, Elin wasn’t taking care of business at home and Tiger, I would make it work for you)  Memo to Tiger…be careful.  These are the types of women that you are sleeping with now. Back to the point at hand, the women you are polling poorly with.  One thing to remember is that Black women can be really racist, with the emphasis on really racist. There are women who are not mad that you had an affair, but are mad only because it was with a white women.  Oprah can help with that, because Oprah is a healer.  This is the time to say, “Whoops, I got caught up!” You will need to show your emotional side on the show, and you might even need to cry a little bit, to show contrition.  But, don’t worry, because most guys will never hear about it, much less see it.  So, don’t be self conscious.  At worst, we will say, “Wait til you get to the car to cry…”

(Don’t let Deebo see you slipping….you won’t have to go to the car to cry)

Oprah as the Great Emancipator can bring together white women as well.  They read Oprah, and value her input and opinion.  It’s the reason stars agree to do her show after bad press, like Tom Cruise.

Do not jump up and down professing your love for your wife. If you overdo it, people will not believe you. But, look at Oprah selling it and showing all the teeth and gums, pretending to be amused. This is the press you need.

Tiger, you can do it.  Let Oprah help…Harpo, reach out to a man who needs a helping hand…

One Response to “America, Tiger Woods is like your friend who is a stiff, but is still your friend. Please forgive him like your would your buddy”

  1. […] He was able to overcome this.  First, his team did some winning.  Winning in your field will always win back the fans.  Second, get in front of the story.  You are going to have to do Oprah or Barbara Walters, like I told you here earlier. […]

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