Too Old For Maxim, Too Young for Esquire

Let me make a confession… the trappings of success are wasted on the rich.

I would definitely get around, Tupac style. I would “see” a lot of women. And by see, I mean try to bang the holy hell out of as many skanks as possible. The key is how to disengage without having a psycho following you around. I want to be able to go from this stage where I have totally devastated the box, (notice the look of satisfaction from a job well done) to a stage where I am on the prowl and don’t have to look over my shoulder for the next person trying to kill me.

Actually, it would be more like this than worrying about someone trying to kill me

The reason for these thoughts is MJ. No, not Michael Jackson (insert funny quip about there not being any male kids in the picture… you know a thousand of them, you do not need me to give you any ammo for the final punchline.) Michael Jordan has been fighting to clear his name. We joke about kids, because, well it’s funny…I joke because I have one. But, joke about kids to Michael Jordan, and he will probably give you the gas face.

Wrap that shit up B! Wrap it UP!

Definition of a jump-off

1. A casual sexual partner or a girlfriend
2. A woman of dubious sexual practices

Michael Jordan has a jump-off. Probably MJ has several jump-offs. This entry just of easily could have been titled, “When JUMP-OFFS go BAD” One of MJ’s jumpoffs is a woman of dubious sexual practices… Her name is Lisa Miceli. I know that she is of dubious sexual practices because she is convinced that MJ is the father of her child.

Now, there is no one that is contesting that MJ beat up the coochie of this tramp. But, I think that he might have beaten it up too well, if that is possible. Now, here is where the term jump-off comes more into light. Lisa Miceli really believes that MJ is the one and only possible father.

Here is a taste of her blog…

IF MJ DOES NOT WANT A PATERNITY ACTION FILED ON HIM…. then do not have unprotected sex with a woman that is not your wife….. but do not attack me and defame me foor exercising my legal rights….. FOR YEARS!!!! LOSS OF INCOME AND QUALITY OF LIFE.

Michael Jordan took his vows with his wife… I will happily file rape charges on MJ.. if that makes Juanita Jordan happy and the community happy.

But, to defame me in my career and in the press for exercing my legal rights is crazy… on the part of Fred Sperling, Ed Hathaway, Bernadette DeVore and others… I do not pay for defamation…. PERIOD

In the third case, that was settled this week ( leave him alone crazy woman) she defended herself, which harkens back to the old adage that describes a person who represents himself at trial: “He has a fool for a client. I aint making this up. This is what people say. Life is too easy sometimes, when looking for humor.

Technology is a great thing. It has helped men who were wrongly accused get out of prison after 25 years; it has convicted guys that have gotten off scot free. Technology should have gotten MJ off the hook. Lisa claims that after their hot and heavy romance that MJ was going to leave his wife.

After the third test, MJ must have been thinking, leave me alone. Once the final test was in, the judge ruled that Lisa should not have any more contact with MJ. I mean, I don’t know what she was expecting, if the first two tests came back negative. You have to come to the realization, that yes, you were someone else’s cumdumpster. They used your box, and you let them hit it hatless. All the while, you attempt to convict an innocent man with paper to support your lifestyle. You might want to spend some time finding out who the REAL father of your child is. Who else did you let hit it hatless?

You wonder why MJ looks like “Lord, help me get this crazy hoe outta my life! I don’t know what else to do!”

Let me help you out MJ. You could certainly give me hoop lessons, but let me give you some life lessons .

1. Keep the pimphand strong
2. Make sure that before you lay out the pimp hand, you say the Pimps Prayer, which is a prayer said before striking a trifling bitch or hoe who has stepped out of line.
3. Let us Pray the Pimp’s Prayer. Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch and guide my pimp hand and make it strong Lord, so that she might learn a hoe’s place.
4. Wear a hat, and then wear another. If the chick allows you to hit it hatless, then you have to be wary ( Thanks to Chris for this advice)

1. Don’t pull a Rae Carruth. Just pay whatever it takes, or find a hitman that doesn’t talk about it, or go back on a deal.
2. Have good legal counsel. There will never be one like OJ’s, but put one together. I think that I could muster up a good one from the WCL legal defense team.

   

   If she ever (and yes, I am talking about Lisa, the oft misunderstood victim of MJ’s manipulation, mistreatment of the box and his “tool”) decides to “settle down” with just one man, I am willing to kick in for her dress…

   

   You can’t hit all the shots, but you can rebound the missed shot and keep it movin’…