Too Old For Maxim, Too Young for Esquire

When I look at Hillary’s campaign, I think back to the Monte Python skit with the dead parrot…

The Pet Shoppe

A customer enters a pet shop.

Customer: ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

C: ‘Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean “miss”?

C: I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

O: We’re closin’ for lunch.

C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with it?

C: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. ‘E’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!

O: No, no, ‘e’s uh,…he’s resting.

C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.

O: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn’it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

C: The plumage don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.

O: Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting!

C: All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up!

(shouting at the cage)

‘Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I’ve got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show…(owner hits the cage)

O: There, he moved!

C: No, he didn’t, that was you hitting the cage!

O: I never!!

C: Yes, you did!

O: I never, never did anything…

C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) ‘ELLO POLLY!!!!!

Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o’clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

C: Now that’s what I call a dead parrot.

O: No, no…..No, ‘e’s stunned!

C: STUNNED?!?

O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

C: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not ‘alf an hour ago, you assured e that its total lack of movement was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

O: Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for the fjords.

C: PININ’ for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got ‘im home?

O: The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin’ on it’s back! Remarkable bird, id’nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

O: Well, o’course it was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent ‘em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

C: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this bird wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!

O: No no! ‘E’s pining!

C: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker!

‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies!

‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig!

‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!!

THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

O: Well, I’d better replace it, then.

(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)

O: Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ’round the back of the shop, and uh, we’re right out of parrots.

C: I see. I see, I get the picture.

O: I got a slug.

(pause)

C: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?

O: Nnnnot really.

C: WELL IT’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

O: Look, if you go to my brother’s pet shop in Bolton, he’ll replace the parrot for you.

C: Bolton, eh? Very well.

The customer leaves.

The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache.

C: This is Bolton, is it?

O: (with a fake mustache) No, it’s Ipswitch.

C: (looking at the camera) That’s inter-city rail for you.

The customer goes to the train station.

He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked “Complaints”.

C: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.

Attendant: I DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!

C: I beg your pardon…?

A: I’m a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!

C: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn’t it?

A: Yeah, well it’s not easy to pad these python files out to 200 lines, you know.

C: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.

A: No, this is Bolton.

C: (to the camera) The pet shop man’s brother was lying!!

A: Can’t blame British Rail for that.

C: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!

He does.

C: I understand this IS Bolton.

O: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?

C: You told me it was Ipswitch!

O: …It was a pun.

C: (pause) A PUN?!?

O: No, no…not a pun…What’s that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?

C: (Long pause) A palindrome…?

O: Yeah, that’s it!

C: It’s not a palindrome! The palindrome of “Bolton” would be “Notlob”!! It don’t work!!

O: Well, what do you want?

C: I’m not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!

Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly…

This is the Clinton campaign to a “T”. She really just needs to quit. Take the money and pay off your debts and gear up for an appointment in the Obama White House, assuming he wins and you don’t do something silly, like run as an independent. This is the same thing that a myopic Teddy Roosevelt did, after he was unsatisfied with his replacement, William Taft. Roosevelt was so popular that when he failed to win the nomination of the Republicans, he went out and ran as an independent. This had the effect of splitting the republican party (the good guys back then) and allowed Democrat Woodrow Wilson to win the election and keep the power in the hands of the conservative party for two decades. At least Taft became Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court…

Its hard to know when to say when. Whether it’s drinking, having random encounters with beautiful women, or gambling, quitting is hard to do. In the words of my man Marcellus Wallace, “Its pride fucking with you…”

Now the night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting, that’s pride fuckin’ wit ya.

Fuck pride! Pride only hurts, it never helps. Fight through that shit.

‘Cause a year from now, when you’re kickin’ it in

the Caribbean you’re gonna say,

“Marsellus Wallace was right.”

He was right in this sense…if you are only staying in the race to allow the people chances to vote, then you have to swallow it and recognize defeat as soon as its over. The nuclear option is only an option if you are going to not care about the outcome of the bombing…You will hurt, or cripple the party and help usher in John McCain as our President. Those who fail to learn history…

New York City Sucks!!!

I’m sick of people telling me New York City is soooo “cool”. This has got to end. New York City is completely over rated. But for some reason anytime New York comes up in a conversation everyone goes crazy with stories of how “awesome”, “cool”, or “cultured” it is. These people “just love them some New York”. They can never get enough. People will bore you to death with their stories of how fabulous their last trip was. How they just loved the “Opera”, or “Museums”, “Art Galleries”, “Cafes”, or “Resturants”. They talk as if NYC has a monopoly on everything cool and cultured. Yet as someone that has lived and worked in New York I can honestly say it really “SUCKS”. What I can’t understand is how the city ever got such a positive reputation. O.K. New York is a huge city, and has a little bit of everything/everyone. And it has seen a drop in crime the last decade. And you don’t always fear for your life riding the subway or out at night these days. But trouble does still finds you in NY whether you like it of not. Just minding your own business in NY can
still get you mugged, stabbed, or shot in any part of the city.

If you really want to know about New York talk to someone that grew up there and now lives where you live. Ask them why did you move? Grill them on it. Don’t let them off easy if they begin with the “NYC is great” routine. They will break. Trust me they will and when they sense that you know the truth and they can’t Bulls–t you any longer they WILL let loose with NYC hatin’ vemon.

You see New Yorkers secretly hate NYC. But are more than willing to ride the bandwagon and reap the benefits that go along with everyone else in the country lovin it. Inside they are thinking what a “SAP” you are for thinking the dump of a city they grew up in is C & C or “cool” and “cultured”. I know guys that get LAID for just saying they are from NYC.

Don’t be this guy. But he’s on to something.

If you really want to earn a New Yorkers respect talk “SHIT” about their city. Take note that this is best done outside NYC and to New Yorkers that have moved. Don’t insult NYC within the city limits or to people that can’t form full sentences, or use the word “YO”. And for Non New Yorkers let it all spill out. Don’t let up. And as soon as the conversation begins look them straight in eye and say “What are you crazy? NYC SUCKS”. If they don’t back down then find a New Yorker in the room and have them join your side.

Here are some topics you might want to bring to the debate.

1. The weather. Nuff said. Well, maybe not. Who wants to live in snow or wants humid hot summers. NYC has maybe 2 weeks out the year that are nice. One in the spring and one in the fall. Every other time stinks.

2. Too many people. The subway is fast, and convienet but not during rush hour. During these hours you are packed in like Sardines. Which wouldn’t be so bad but not everyone has the same hygine standards nor amorous impulses, nor self control. Mind the urine in the seats on the subway. Or the perverts grabbing body parts if you are a woman. Elevators, Starbucks, Bagel & Sandwich shops also SUCK during rush hour. Expect to wait in a long LINE.

3. Bathrooms. None. For such a big city where are all the bathrooms. Upon visiting a new neighborhood in NYC the first thing I would do is find out where I could relieve myself if I had to. Whether that was an alley, a park, or a restaurant. Didn’t matter!!!

4. Rude People. People are rude in NYC. Just plain ASSH–ES sometimes. Probable because of #2. Non New Yorkers think this is C & C. But NYers know the truth. Some move just to get away from this.

5. Too many stupid people. Stupid is fine in most places e.g. the south, strip clubs, or even san diego, but in NYC you add violence. This is a bad combo. Hence Guidos. There’s no debating or reasoning with these people. They will split your skull in a NY minute over the most trivial of topics. Sports, Pizza, Music even First Names. I dare you to walk into any Pizzeria in Staten Island and say “A-Rod is better than Jeter”. In a city full of “culture” there are a lot of stupid, rude violent people.

6. Status. Status is everything in NYC. If you are poor you hang with poor. If you are rich you hang with rich. If not you are a poser. No exceptions. Same goes for Eastside v Westside, Uptown v Downtown. Manhattan v Jersey, e.g.

7. Rats. I dare you to walk past a Sabaro at night and kick the garbage bags out front. Also Roaches, Dirt, and Trash. But still a great city. Right???

8. Too expensive. “What am I paying for.” This is what NYers ask themselves all day and night. The food, drinks, apartments, taxis all cost too much. And plus everyone has their hands out for a tip. Waiters, Bartenders, and Taxi are O.K. But bathroom attendants & doormen? What? Just do your job. But you end up tipping them also.

9. Racism. Its practically Institutionalized in NYC. “Old School” racism?. Its soooo open in NYC thats its not even “OLD SCHOOL”. Its in your face always. People “add you up” in a split second and its a struggle to get good service and treat you well ( see #4, #5, #6) that its not even worth it. So if you are a person of color expect to be treated like crap unless they find out you have $money$. Then the service MAY change because they want a nice $tip$.

Geting a Taxi. Its no joke for blacks. You won’t get one. And if the driver momentarily forgets his racist nature and stops anyway. Don’t grab the handle because the driver will come to his senses and drive off with your arm. My advice get a Metro Card.

10. The Hamptons.

If you are as avid a basketball fan as we are at Too Old then you’ve heard your fair share of Charles Barkley providing color commentary during pre-game and halftime shows on TNT. Depending on how much you watch, there’s a decent chance you’ve also heard him discuss his gambling problems and his estimate of $10 million in losses to Vegas casinos.   Given his propensity for “poor luck” at the tables, one would think perhaps he might have learned by now to enjoy some of the alternative forms of entertainment in Sin City.   Sadly, it appears that he still has not learned his lesson. The Los Angeles Times reported today that Barkley may face felony charges if he does not pay a debt totaling $400,000 to the Wynn Casino in Las Vegas.  Oh, Chuck, when will you learn?

As I’m sure you are aware, we here at Too Old are all responsible adults of legal drinking and gambling age.  We are also big fans of the state of Nevada, and Las Vegas in particular, however, we manage to enjoy responsible, debt-free trips to Vegas on budgets dwarfed by the spending power of Sir Charles and his NBA/TNT/T-Mobile loot.  In this vein, I have assembled a short list of suitable, less likely to result in felony charges, non-gambling attractions for Barkley (or any potential visitor) to consider the next time he (or you and your crew) ventures into the city of sin:

1. Hit up a Gentleman’s Club - nothing hits the spot after a long, hot day on the strip like some nice topless dancers.  Vegas has so many clubs to chose from that it’s difficult to advocate for only one, so we at Too Old suggest trying out several to see what catches your fancy.  I recommend Cheetah’s, The Olympic Gardens, and the Crazy Horse Too.

2. Get your dance/drank on - Perhaps all that rump-shaking at the strip club has energized you to get out there, toss a few back and cut a rug with some women that might actually go homw with you at the end of the night.  Las Vegas has some of the best clubs/bars in the world.  Just grease the bouncer at the door and you may be able to slip in and mingle with the elite.  Try the Ghost Bar at the Palms, The Rum Jungle at Mandalay Bay, or Pure at Caesars Palace.  If your soiree at the strip club ran real late, perhaps you should try hitting up an after-hours spot.  I suggest Drai’s.

3. Enjoy a day of recreation - there are plenty of tourist attractions in the greater Las Vegas area that lack that element of sin but still promise a good time.  Lake Mead is a short drive away (about 30 minutes) and offers great fishing, boating and other water related activities.  There are a variety of golf courses in the area, including one open at night.  And of course, there’s always the good old Hoover Dam.

Whatever your particular interests are, Vegas has plenty to offer.  So if you are a bit irresponsible with your finances, perhaps you should stay away from the tables and put your money towards something with more tangible rewards…

I know you’ve all been patiently waiting for me to make another American Idol post, but, as usual, I had to download last night’s episode and watch it on my computer because hater-ass Nate doesn’t let me watch it on MY T.V. utilizing the cable in MY NAME, but I’m not bitter or anything.  Regardless, last night we saw the final three perform a trio of songs each chosen by the panel of judges (Randy, Paula and Simon), the contestants and the shows executive producers (probably Nigel Lythgoe.  Yes, I know that this dude runs the show because I’ve been to a taping years ago and he basically controls everything that happens while the cameras aren’t running). I won’t go into painful detail about each song sung by each contestant, but I will say that my prediction made weeks ago still stands:  I think the finale should be the two Davids (Archuleta and Cook) but I’m still unsure whether they will attempt to rig the voting procedure to create a gender balance for the finale.  As a side note, I thought it was pretty funny that after David Archuleta’s dad was banned from rehearsals his son picked a Chris Brown song for one of his three performances, probably his worst choice of the competition (and no Nate and Steve, I did not get up and start dancing around to Chris Brown like you bastards accuse me of doing in my room).  After what I thought was a pretty disappointing season last year, I’m glad to see some legitimate talent return to the show and am looking forward to some more great performances for the finale next week.  Like Simon, i think that the competition is David Cook’s to lose.

Haters reading the title might think that I am writing this to talk trash about Obama or to give you reasons why you shouldn’t elect him. Well, you should and I think that the people in America will too. There will always be one segment of the society that will not want anyone who does not subscribe to their same ideology and look just like them to fail. It’s very similar to what Ronin Storm posted about having a will to be the very best. Someone getting something is taking away from what you should have had.

I actually do not mind seeing other people get theirs. It usually works to either make me not care about what they got or the person who got it (like cruising on the highway and seeing someone in a Mercedes or BMW that looks like a total dork…) , or their success pushes me to get on my P’s and Q’s to get my money right and my game tight.

Anyhoo, this post is about politics and the length that people will go to get their candidate elected. Mulligans is a tavern in Marietta GA, that is known for its ultra conservative nature and the signs that they post on the marquee outside. Owner Mike Norman doesn’t see anything wrong with the combination of Curious George the monkey and Barack Obama. This is another reason why race is still an issue and something that we need to talk about and not get comfortable about where we are. It is that comfort that allows us to forget where our forefathers were in the past

The publishing company that owns the Curious George image says it is considering legal action to stop the sale of a T-shirt depicting Barack Obama as the monkey from children’s books.The T-shirts are being peddled by Marietta bar owner Mike Norman at his Mulligan’s Bar and Grill in Cobb County. They show a picture of Curious Georgie peeling a banana, with the words “Obama ‘08″ underneath

Rick Blake, a spokesman for publisher Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, which owns Curious George, said Wednesday that the company didn’t authorize the use of the character’s image, but hasn’t been in touch with anybody selling or manufacturing the shirts.

“We find it offensive and obviously utterly out of keeping with the value Curious George represents,” Blake said. “We’re monitoring the situation and weighing our options with respect to legal action.”

Norman has said he got the T-shirts from someone in Arkansas. He started selling them at his bar — known for the provocative, ultra-conservative political slogans often posted on signs out front — in April but said he has no plans to mass market them.

The sales came to light this week when a loose coalition of local groups called a protest of the T-shirts.

About a dozen protestors rallied against the shirts Tuesday afternoon, condemning them as racist and asking Norman to stop selling them.

Norman acknowledged the imagery’s Jim Crow roots but said he sees nothing wrong with depicting a prominent African-American as a monkey.

“We’re not living in the (19)40’s,” he said. “Look at him . . . the hairline, the ears — he looks just like Curious George.”

This guy really doesn’t get it, or he gets it and is thumbing his nose at all of us. He is correct in pointing out that the crime of Jim Crow laws happened a long time ago. The issue is that we are still feeling the effects of discrimination throughout the advent of time. The answer to that is yes. The images that are brought up are not one to easily forget. The animal comparisons are what justified and allowed slavery to continue. The slaves were valuable only because of the amount of physical labor that they could do. Without it, there was no need to have them around, as they were another mouth to feed. Here is a photo array…

I guess all black people look like apes if they are light skinned. The comment of ignorance above and the T-shirt just shows another racist attempt to win the wave of popularity for the ballet of the Dance to the Presidency. The reason why I am fearful of him winning is that I can easily see some disenfranchised white male from the south feeling that the legacy of the good ole boys will be harmed without taking what they think is a principled joke. Bubba gets his .30 rifle and goes to establish who is superior once and for all. We joke about Black presidents getting killed, but David Palmer proved that we are not invincible to the effects of the pink slip.

I wrote yesterday about the possibility of Josef Fritzl “only” receiving 15-20 years for what he has done to his daughter. While Josef is an old man (reports list him as 73) medical technology has improved to the point I would not be surprised if he was able to survive that term. He has seemingly such an inflated sense of self worth that he would survive just to spite everyone. The thing that really turbocharges this story and makes you wonder what is going on in the Austrian justice system is that Josef Fritzl has previously shown his inability to control his “urges”. He has confessed to this crime and said that he was not able to control his actions, even though he knew right from wrong. The raw desire of wanting to satisfy his urges outweighed the social contract.

What gives me the feeling of a distinct lack of confidence in the Austrian justice system is a story that I can across yesterday.

Here is a picture of 16 year old Josef Fritzl in school. Notice the military outfit…It looks like his “Hitler made me do it…” defense has some credibility. They look like they are clearly from the same stock…

When Elisabeth was still a toddler, Mr Fritzl was convicted of raping a woman in Linz in 1967 and was sentenced to a term in prison. However, under current Austrian law, unless the crime carries a life sentence, a conviction must be removed after no more than 15 years.

While that is enough to get you to shake your head, or even in some cases declare that the man served his time for the crime committed (he really didn’t, since he got out and was able to slip through the cracks in the system) the fact that the seeds were planted early in his criminal career, why would the conviction ever be removed for such a serious crime?

Where you have to just turn your feelings off and attempt to shake the feeling of dread and hopelessness is at the next story.

On the left, its everyone’s favorite criminal, Josef Fritzl and his barrister (lawyer for us simple folk here in America) Rudolf Mayer. Please play particular attention to the quotes that are attributed the barrister…

10 months prison for raping 4-year-old girl several times

Another strange court decision in context to child abuse is reported in today’s Austrian newspaper “Kronen Zeitung”.

A 55-year-old man was sentenced to a prison term of 10 months for raping a 4-year-old girl several times. Even employees of the court house were shaking their heads after such a decision. As the man already spent 10 months in prison before, he was a free man after the trial.

Josef Fritzl may also hope to find such a gentle judge. His barrister is one of the best in Austria. It seems money is not a big issue for Josef Fritzl.

The barrister of Fritzl already caused a stir when he told that his client should not be in prison. Yesterday he described Josef Fritzl as caring person and loving father, who worries about his family now. “If he would be a monster, his 19-year-old daughter would never arrive in hospital”, the barrister told yesterday on Austrian TV.

Another statement of the barrister on TV: “It’s not proven if my client has raped his daughter.”

Austrians are quite upset about such opinions. The barrister receives a lot of hate e-mails. “He should be also locked in a dungeon with Josef Fritzl”, was the reaction of the vast majority.

A former lodger of the “horror house” claims that Fritzl has once told him he is going to make history with his house.

I don’t know what to say after the last story. I don’t hold out hope that Elisabeth Fritzl and her children that were spawned with a child of the devil, will ever see redemption or redress for the crimes committed. It’s clear that a revamping of their “justice” (real loose with the definition…) system is in order, post haste.

Justice delayed is justice denied, is a legal quote that has made its way through our popular culture lingo. Simply put, it means if there is legal redress and it is not provided in a timely manner, then it is like not getting it at all. The more we hear about this case, the more I think that the victims will not get what they deserve, which is to see their captor meet the cold, cruel hand of justice.

Right now, the media outlets are reporting that Fritzl is kept isolated from all the other prisoners, as he has received many death threats. I would imagine in the prison world, he would rate below a rapist and a child abuser. He spends his time happily watching the news for mentions of the crime and biographical sketches of his life. If that is not the clinical definition of a narcissist, then I don’t know if that mental health disorder should be in the DSM-IV

Austrias justice minister Maria Berger is against a hard punishment for Josef Fritzl.

“15 years are enough. 20 years the maximum”, she says.

Austrias Interior Minister Günther Platter from the Peoples Party claimed a hard punishment for sex offenders. The Socialdemocratic justice minister disagrees.

The justice minister also criticizes the behaviour of Lower Austrias minister president Erwin Pröll (Peoples Party). “Pröll has obtruded himself to help the victims”, she moans in an interview of Austrias daily newspaper “Kurier”.

Really? That is too harsh for a man that repeatedly raped his daughter, kept her prisoner (all which really can’t be denied, since in other stories, he has admitted that she didn’t want it, and he couldn’t help himself and that he told them that the place was boobytrapped with gas and other explosives if they ever tried to leave. When looking at Austrian law, it seems that they are relatively soft on crime. While I am not proposing that we get all medieval on him, but we should take steps to insure that he doesn’t get out.

Looking at the Justice Minister, I know the law is supposed to be neutral and blind, but is the Justice Minister really saying that 1) helping the victims is a bad thing? The article says she is moaning about the help. I would expect a moan when you get hit in the stomach, have a stomach ache, or you are sick. She is complaining just a bit too much. 2) 15 years is really enough? I mean I would think that if you found him guilty (no easy feat after another story that I will post in a few minutes) that you would START with the amount of time that he held his family hostage. If you add on the death of the twin who he just got rid of like a ripped pair of pants in the incinerator, then there is no way that you can think that 15 or 20 years is enough for a man (again, I use that term very loosely) then why are we even talking about him getting out.

I am beginning to have my doubts about the legal system in Austria. This has the feeling that the legal system is going to fail the victims again and allowing what happened to them to happen all over again. Delayed and denied, indeed…

If you haven’t seen the LBJ dunk over KG, then you missed a dunk for the ages.

The dunk was amazing, since it was really on three different people who got the facial treatment. Obviously, he dunked on KG and he was powerless to do anything about it. But, he shook the piss out of two other people. He threw a sick headfake that left James Posey wondering where he was going. But, it starts with the inability of Paul Pierce to stay in front of the King. Look how far back Pierce is in the first picture. He basically gave up when LBJ went around him. He has that classic hands in the air like, “Why didn’t you stop him?” KG at least has the presence of mind to swing LBJ away from his face, because it is at groin level. The other remarkable thing about the dunk is that they didn’t call a foul on this play, although it is clear from both pictures that KG is using his forearm to redirect an already airborne player.

This is the type of leadership that can lead to an upset…

This girl is HARD! I really am struggling for any other words to describe her. Let me let you in on the background information. This young woman is part of the Texas State award winning track and field team. This is a picture of her accepting the award for her team. I guess that I should restate that in the sense that SHE WAS THE TEAM. Yes, let me repeat that. She won her team the State Title BY HERSELF!

AUSTIN, Texas — Bonnie Richardson ran. She threw. She jumped.

And when it was time Bonnie Richardson of Rochelle High School scored 42 team points to win the Texas 1A track title.

Richardson was the only Rochelle athlete to qualify for the state meet and stunningly won the team title. University Interscholastic League officials said it was the first time they can remember a single athlete winning a girls’ team title.

It’s happened before on the boys’ side, but not since former Baylor Bear and Pittsburgh Steeler Frank Pollard did it for Meridian High School in the 1970s, said UIL Athletics Director Charles Breithaupt.

“This totally blows me away,” the freckle-faced Richardson said while holding the trophy with a gold medal draped on her neck. “This is amazing. I had no idea it was even possible.”

Richardson’s title march began with field events on Friday when she won the high jump (5 feet, 5 inches), placed second in the long jump (18-7) and was third in the discus (121-0).

On Saturday, she won the 200 meters in 25.03 seconds and nearly pulled off a huge upset in the 100 before finishing second (12.19) to defending champion Kendra Coleman of Santa Anna. Richardson, a junior, earned a total of 42 team points to edge team runner-up Chilton (36).

It was a good thing the 1A events were split over two days because Richardson said the heat — temperatures were in the high 90s both days — might have knocked her down. She laughed off a suggestion that she could have won more if UIL rules didn’t limit individual participation to five events.

“I don’t think I could handle any more,” she said. “It was hot and I was tired.”

Many outstanding girls athletes have dominated state meets, but few cross over from the sprints to the field events with Richardson’s success, Breithaupt said.

“The way she did it is really impressive,” Breithaupt said. “A lady like that could be a heptathlete.”

Rochelle is about 85 miles east of San Angelo, and Richardson’s high school doesn’t even have a real track. The football field has a ring of caliche and grass around it.

So how does she train?

“Watch for potholes,” she joked. “We have a track about 10 miles down the road and train there usually.”

Richardson’s coach, Jym Dennis, suspected she could do something special in the team category, but didn’t tell her on the trip to Austin because he didn’t want to make her nervous.

“I was hoping she’d get a few gold medals to put her over the top and she did,” Dennis said. “She’s an amazing athlete. I think she could win a lot of events.”

As a sophomore, she competed in the high jump, long jump and discus. She won the long jump but didn’t medal in the others. On Saturday, she was surprised by her second-place finish in the 100.

“Kendra and I have been battling all year. I was amazed I stayed with her. I didn’t think I was that fast,” she said.

Richardson also plays tennis and led her basketball team to the state semifinals last season.

“I’d play football if my parents would let me,” she said. “Not quarterback. Defense.”

Now granted, she won 1A (which is the small school designation) so the teams are much smaller, but still… Also, she has a year left, as she is only a junior! Plus, I have to give her dap as she wants to play football, and not the glamorous position of QB.

Television and movie actor Dennis Farina was booked today on felony gun possession charges after attempting to bring a loaded gun with him on a flight from Los Angeles to Chicago. Farina, known for playing bad-asses of various levels of respectability (see Snatch, Get Shorty, The Grand etc.) and oftentimes police detectives (see Law & Order, Striking Distance, The Mod Squad etc.) has always been a big favorite of mine within the entertainment industry, and is one of the people I truly believe should be allowed to carry a gun wherever and whenever he so chooses. Of the several news pieces I’ve read about this event, only small mentioned has been made of the fact that Farina is an 18-year veteran of the Chicago Police Department, a fact which by itself should excuse his error in judgment.  As someone who relies on air travel quite frequently for work, I would feel much safer knowing that Detective Fontana was on my plane packing heat, just in case the shit hits the fan.  In these troubling and insecure times it is necessary to bend the rules occasionally for the well-being of society as a whole , and I think a “Dennis Farina gun-toting exception” would be a welcome amendment to current airline security regulations.  Also, this continues to reaffirm what we have been thinking about for some time now. Nate, Steve…we need gats.